Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
