Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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