3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
