Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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