Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
