hotel room ftw
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
