i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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