I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
