i would punch a child for taco bell
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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