So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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