I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
