At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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