I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize