just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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