have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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