were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
