Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
