just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I deserve this hangover.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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