I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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