Only a mothe r could love this liver
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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