someone threw a dead crab at me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
