it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize