please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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