I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize