do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
