he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
