none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
