Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call