I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
