everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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