Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
