so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
