She said her name was "party"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
