In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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