Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
