You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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