She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
