he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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