Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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