I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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