Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
