watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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