Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
