they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
