I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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