I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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