just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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