last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
