i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
