You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
