At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
