the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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