Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
