I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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