u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
