They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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